The life of a Teenage Techie

si o no meme lol

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:00:23 GMT

1. You can ONLY answer 'Yes' or 'No'.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments you and asks— and, believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming. Nothing is exactly as it seems.

Been arrested? — no
Kissed someone you didn't like? — no
Slept in until 5 PM? — yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — no
Held a snake? — yes
Ran a red light? — no
Been suspended from school? — no
Experienced love at first sight? — no
Totaled your car in an accident? — no
Been fired from a job? — no
Fired somebody? — no
Sung karaoke? — yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — no
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — yes
Kissed in the rain? — no =[
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — yes
Saw someone die? — no
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — no
Smoked a cigar? — no
Sat on a rooftop? — yes
Smuggled something into another country? — no
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — no
Broken a bone? — no
Skipped school? — yes
Eaten a bug? — no
Sleepwalked? — no
Walked on a moonlit beach? — yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — no
Dumped someone? — yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — no
Lied to avoid a ticket? — no
Ridden in a helicopter? — no
Shaved your head? — no
Blacked out from drinking? — no
Played a prank on someone? — yes
Hit a home run? — no
Felt like killing someone? — no
Cross-dressed? — yes
Been falling-down drunk? — no
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — no
Eaten snake? — no
Marched/Protested? — no
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — XD yes
Puked on an amusement ride? — no
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — no
Knitted? — no
Been on TV? — no
Shot a gun? — yes
Skinny-dipped? — no
Given someone stitches? — no
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — no
Ridden a surfboard? — no
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — no
Had surgery? — no
Streaked? — no
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — no
Tripped on mushrooms? — no
Passed out when NOT drinking? — no
Peed on a bush? — no
Donated Blood? — no
Grabbed electric fence? — no
Eaten alligator meat? — no
Eaten cheesecake? — no
Killed an animal when not hunting? — yes
Peed your pants in public? — no
Snuck into a movie without paying? — yes
Written graffiti? — no
Still love someone you shouldn't? — no
Think about the future? — yes
Been in handcuffs? — yes
Believe in love? — yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — yes

Animazement 09 report

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sun, 24 May 2009 19:01:46 GMT

Overall feel: No where as good as last year. But it was still good.

Pre-con: Dad took me, my stepbrother & Jessica to the convention center annnnd we stood in line for a bit. I didn't dress up, I just wore this white dress that I wore to school that day that reminds me of Kairi. Me and Jon talked to this random guy that was behind us in line for a bit and I saw a furry that was wearing a Hurricanes jersey so I had to go hug him. After we got our badges we just kinda walked around the convention center, since none of us had been there before except for Jessica. Eventually Jessica went off with Addy so it was me and Jon and then I ran into Lyn and Anna. Lyn diverted with me and Jon where we went up into this secret floor that's really just an employee only space but still, you could get to it from a public elevator so lol. We also randomly chilled in the corner of one of these giant ballrooms where I found a squeaky chair [which the same kind of chair appeared for the Org XIII panel as well] lol. Then we went to track down Jessica before we had to leave so we sat in the karaeoke room for a bit which the first 2 songs were kinda rock/screamo and thennnn...we got rickrolled. That was about it before we went home. Then I spent the rest of the night finishing the shoes for Neku XD.

Friday: Me and Tami did literal last minute crap for Neku's shoes before I dressed up as Neku and left for the con with Jon, Jessica & her brother. We went to hardees on the way there since it was around lunch time but me and Jon had already eaten so we just got drinks. Jon was trying to get something and he asked me to hold his drink cuz we didn't have any cup holders. So I was like yeah, sure and thennn coke spills on my white shorts lol blah. But apparently if you spill sprite over the same spot [I did this purposely, mind you lol] and wipe it up, then it comes out =]. Then we got there aaand just randomly wandered around again for a bit, people actually really liking my shoes for Neku even though I kinda thought it was the worst part ><; but it works lol. First person I took a picture of was a KH1 Sora when I first walked in ^_^. Eventually we had to go unpack our stuff from the car and hang it all up in the hotel closet. Soon after we met up with our Riku, who was dressed up as Matt from Death Note, annd she made us change into our KH2 outfits. She was Deep Dive Riku; so she had a blindfold and we had to hold hands and lead her through the convention center because she was blind lol. Then Kairi kept like raping Riku while I was eating. Yeaaah, she's a little special. So we did some more wandering back and forth before the NOIZ concert, which me and Kairi only stayed at for like 1 second before leaving cuz it was soooo hot in there and loud. So more wandering around, picture taking, hugs, and whatnot. Thennn later Kairi changed into her Hetalia costume for which I will not even try to ATTEMPT to spell her character's name and I changed into my rave outfit thing. After standing in line for like 20 mins with Riku who was also wearing a rave outfit and wasn't really Riku, I decided I was really tired so I just went back and went to bed.

Saturday: Didn't wake up till like 9: 30ish so didn't finish getting ready till about 10: 30. First I went as Riku from DN Angel, which a few people recognized me and I took a couple of pictures. But I had high heels for that costume so I could only handle it for so long before I decided to switch into school uniform for Sora. A lot of people didn't get that this was a cosplay, sadly ><;. Still, I took a few pictures, mostly at the photoshoot. But everything with that photoshoot was kinda ADD and hard to follow so me, Riku, and Kairi all decided we should just go to the pool. Neither Riku nor Kairi brought bathing suits so they both jumped into the pool with cosplays lol Kairi changed into her school uniform costume though to do it because she never wore it for anything else. So after I went to the pool I didn't want to spike my hair again and I really wanted an excuse to wear Neku so I changed back into Neku after I dried off. So I walked with Riku, Kairi [Riku wasn't anything and Kairi was the hetalia character again], and my mom to McDonalds cuz all the food stands in the convention center were already closed cuz it was like 10 at night. After eating, Riku and Kairi went back to Riku's room for Hetalia stuff so I just went back to the convention center. Don't really remember what I did till I met up with Riku again who was Russia from Hetalia, followed her who found Lyn sitting on the floor with other random pople. So after Russia/Riku got up and left, I talked with Lyn for a bit before she left too so I got up to go check out the rave, to see if it was as full as everyone said it was. People were complaining they should open the second room, which they did, but you had to go in through the 1st rooms door to get into it because all they did was take down the barrier from the inside instead of happening two openings. But I couldn't find anyone I knew and I didn't want to dance with random people soooo I went home and went to bed.

Sunday: Me and Kairi had to get up at 7: 00 am to get ready for the Org XIII fan panel. So I rushed to get ready cuz it was already 7: 30 by the time I got out of the shower and we got to the convention center and we were the first ones there besides Anti-Sora. We heard a bunch of people upstairs so we were like oh many they're practicing the panel upstairs since we're probably not allowed in the room yet so we went up there and as soon as we get up the stairs theres two girls pointing in our direction and someones like "You might wanna run!" so I pull out my keyblade lol and then when they're actually running in our direction I run down the stairs a little ways to avoid a death glomp but they got anti-Sora and Kairi first so its okay xD so I went back up and gave hugs. So after that we went back downstairs where Squeeky was [person in charge of the panel] and waited a few more minutes before the room was open. After figuring out seating arrangements and getting all the volunteers together it was time to start the panel so just like last year it was a lot of improving. At the end we had a costume contest thing, which the girl who was playing Xion won which I'm glad because I voted for her lol. Then we had a photoshoot that was a lot more organized although people were dying because the sun was starting to come out of the clouds and be really hot and blinding. Then I went in the lobby and got owned in a battle with Xemnas. After that I went in the dealers room one last time to tryyyy and find something for Kurt and failed ._. so then I went back to the hotel room and asked my Mom to walk to McDonalds with me. Riku and Kairi happened to walk in right as we were leaving so they ended up coming with us as well. As we reach the bottom floor, we realize we're in the same elevator as the J-rock band NOIZ; two of them, anyway. But one of theo two happens to be the one that Riku had been obsessing/fantasizing over. So, that REALLY made her life complete. And after I ate McDonalds, I went home; basically. After waiting for like 20 mins for an elevator, every single one going down was full so I suggested that we get an elevator going up and ride it back down. So we did and it worked XD and after we dropped off most of the people on the top floor, then we made it look like we had no room for anyone else for the other 2 floors until we stopped on until the 4th floor [the one we were staying on] and we let all the other people that were waiting with us on.

Annnnd that's about it. As for my personal life, my mom now knows about Kurt. Woo. And I seriously need to think of something for Kurt's birthday ;-; aaaaaaand I haven't talked to him in like 2 days and it's saddening.

Guys and Dolls

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 03:56:07 GMT

I just got home maybe 20 minutes ago and I must say this has probably been my favorite play that we've done so far. I still have "The Oldest Established Permanent Floating Crap Game In New York" stuck in my head so I went on youtube and I'm listening to it now.

Besides the fact that my mics are dying cuz half of them are as old as the school is, nothing bad really happened this show. Although today Jess's mic was randomly peaking on the sound board even though it's been exactly where it was every single other night so don't know what's up with that but oh well. We're supposedly getting new mics soon anyway! So we'll actually have 16 functional ones again. That'll be awesome. I only had 1 mic so I could check on everyone elses and a few of my crew members [the more experianced ones] had a ton of mic changes as well as two of my newer crew members had one mic change to cover all the characters we needed. They did it all in the end though so I'm proud of them =]

Here's a few random things that aren't really sound related but were funny:

Before the show we'd be having like mag light [that's flashlights covered with a colored gel to make it less noticible to the audience] light saber wars lol so yesterday after my leg was 'cut off' I fell on my knee and like killed it. So that hurt today after I woke up lol. And we had like 2 wardrobe malfunctions during "Take Back Your Mink" because they ripped off their dresses and had these like...leotard things lol and some of the straps around the neck came undone. The first night the girl held it up the whole time and this night the girl was like omg I flashed the audience like kinda bragging about it.

Another thing was in the mission, one of the shifters backstage pretended that she hung herself lol like she was in a noose so all the actors were like I REALLY REALLY HOPE SHE'S JOKING so then she burst out laughing. Another thing was in the 2nd act when the people in the mission are like Hallelujah! this one girl on crutches goes I'M HEALED! cuz she had broken her foot after someone had jumped on it in heels accidentally while doing one of our like traditional things we do before we go onstage. So after she screamed "I'M HEALED!" the girl who played Sarah ran off stage [I'm pretty sure she had a cue to leave but I don't know for sure lol even if she didn't, she didn't have any more speaking parts] and just died laughing. After the black out every single actor I saw was like crying to keep from laughing on stage haha.

One of the biggest things that happened this week, even though it wasn't show related, was that someone made this blog like dissing a bunch of girls (although I kinda agreed with a lot of the things said about most of them) and it included one of my best friends [Taylor] and Katie. So we spent all night backstage yesterday figuring out who it was and narrowed it done to one person and now the website says they're going to shut it down because "they never wanted it to be this big" even though the last post before it said something like "Well now that this blog is spreading like wildfire I should give some more recent info..." They're stupid. Whatever.

Hmmm. Well I can't really think of anything else so I guess I'll just stop here. Kurt seemed kinda weird today but oh well I guess..

My last post's title was extremely wrong.

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 01:51:29 GMT

Even though I never actually said anything to him myself lol; he just kind of answered me one day. Although I'm still not quite sure if it's because he actually still reads either this or my Xanga, or that he just randomly got on that subject conviently enough for me.

But my walls are definately nonexistant now, for sure. We've been talking like 24/7 and even though I already feel like I know so much about him I feel like I learn more and more every day and I really enjoy that. I had one of those "what would you do if..., what do you think of my..., + random other things" survey that I did for him first and he did it for me and kdjfdsofj. Best. He answered a few jokingly but he was mostly over all really serious and it was extremely sweet. I babbled for like 10 years on some on mine for him of course lols. I even brought up that OMGSH YOU'RE SO HOT most embarassing moment hahah and he was like omg I remember that best moment ever. hahaha.

I never ever would have imagined that we'd be this way again; not before we met in real life, anyway. I figured we wouldn't let ourselves. Cuz it used to be the occasional [or maybe not so much] flirting, and then the best friend kind of I love you in the way that more of means omgsh you're the best! Now it's everyyyyything. Although I still don't know what we are XD. Cuz everytime he mentions like future situations in the summer he'll call me his girlfriend or himself my boyfriend so I don't know if he currently considers himself to be that or if we'll just be dating the second I step out of my car or something haha.

I havehavehavehave to go to NJ this summer or I'll die. Maybe not literally, but inside I will lol. Our like plans that will technically get us nowhere still for now are getting me so excited for this. He doesn't seem to worried about his parents letting me sleep over [even if it's on the couch lol] but really. They know like next to nothing about me, really. Even if they definately do let me, there's still the question of my own parents/ my sister depending on if I'm going to stay at her house which I might now just because Kurt was like I'll feel really bad if you drive all that way just for like one night & have to turn around and go right back.

Although I would like to kidnap him to come look at colleges with me, but we'd most likely be doing that with my Dad. And that would be really awkward lols. Well I just texted him asking if he thinks his parents would let him come down here for like a week after they met me but yeah he made good points x_x haha. Although they're still points that apply to staying there just one night too so I don't even know.

Gahhh. & Like I just said to him and as I've said to Taylor a few times, I feel like if I just told my Mom this whole story she'd like maybe understand and let me do it but I'm so paranoid of it backfiring and me not being allowed to do like anything ever in my life. I don't wanna take that chance but I do at the same time ._.

I'm good now. Really.

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 01:01:40 GMT

XD. Kurt like answered me without me even saying anything. Which makes me wonder if he reads my stuff...but okay!

So I'll probably end up going to NJ this summer...lol. But friends for right now! Just so you know. And lol the trailer for White Chicks is on right now; I adore that movie.

So I'm getting ready to watch 13 Going 30, which is my favorite movie after Lion King. And it the very first as well as few last minutes of the movie, the young kid version of the main guy is the voice actor of Pence! ^_^

So I'm watching that<3. Yaaay. Today was still kinda boring but better.

My last entry's title was correct.

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 03:35:34 GMT

I love when I post entries like the one below and like the whole situation just kinda dies so it was really pointless and I feel really stupid.

Yep.

I am so damn bored right now, though.

I feel like I haven't slept in days even though I've been going to sleep earlier than normal every single night. I think I've been over sleeping. I don't know how, considering I can sleep in till 2 in the afternoon and be okay but when I go to sleep at 9: 30 and get up at 7, I feel drained.

I can't focus on writing and I'm not in the mood to play video games. And I've seen every movie I own 34596349573497 times. And there's never anything on TV.

...blaaaaah.

I'll probably feel dumb about typing this and posting it later XD

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:33:25 GMT

Especially since it's now in two places...

xxx

Hahah, Kurt, I love you. But you make my life so confusing.

I can't go back to how we were, now. At least, I don't think I can. Like just being best friends, I mean. I probably could but how long until we both go back on that again?

I think we both know it's impossible for us to be JUST best friends. Even though it's the best thing we can do right now because we never see each other. But I swear to God it seems like we can't go a few months without slipping into the man I really wish I could be with you but I can't sort of thing.

I love how I always type things like a letter, but I probably won't send it. Hahah. Then again I'm pretty sure I said that about the last one. Too bad the last one was a whiny piece of crap and it embarasses me to no end, now. I meant whatever I said back then of course but still; woooow.

But anyways, I'm apparently hardcore caught on you. Like, I can't be interested in anyone else. It just isn't working. I know that's my own damn problem but lol. It doesn't help when you say enough stuff to make me think you want me back.

Maybe you really do. Great. Apparently, so do I. Because I can't say no to you. I love everything you are, and no matter what I will love you; whether in a romantic way or not. I can't bring myself to say I love you too right now. Not after we've gone through so many 'It would be great if we could be together but the internet relationship is pointless' discussions. Hell, maybe if you give me a good enough answer I'll really try my hardest to find a way up there this summer.

I know I can't let myself fully love you cuz ehh when you mention Monica [well, okay. Maybe I would still feel like crap about this one whether I felt for you or not] or whoever it may be I know it's gonna hurt me like hell. I think I'm already to the point where if you brought someone up right now I'd feel horrible. It's so easy for me to fall back into this way about you, but right now I'm keeping a wall up to protect myself. It's definately not strong at this point, but I'm trying to keep it up for as long as I'm not completely sure about how you feel.

If I say I love you, I mean it with like all of my being. I couldn't possible date someone else at the same time if I was saying I love you to you. And if you do really mean it in the romantic way, and I say it back, it will tear me apart once I hear about another girl. It's just how I am.

Even if it is the internet, long distance, and whatever else; if I say I love you it's the same as if I said it inches away from you. So dating other girls is, well...cheating. Or at least, that's how it feels.

So if I cave, if any of this really meant something, if we go with a relationship it has to be handled like a real one. We're not in middle school anymore, and it has to be treated seriously.

Youuu're probably gonna give me an answer that I'll have no clue what to say to or do about but lol. Oh well..

Uberly late Animazement 08 Report.

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 17:41:29 GMT

Because I posted it to my Xanga and not on here, stupidly. And I find my lack of cosplay on here disturbing. Because it pretty much owns my life now xD.

From Sora's POV...kinda? XD

Thursday I began my adventure. I stood in line for 2 hours ahah. And I didn't really talk to anyone cept a little to the girl behind me when she was trying to start the line to do a wave. But for some reason, even though I wasn't talking, it didn't feel like an awkward silence like it does at school. And I was smiling the whole time. It just really felt different. Eventually, I got out of line and wandered around a little bit, trying to find the kids that were gonna be in the cosplay skit with me. I never found any of them lol. I did find my friends from school, Anna and Sarah, who also had two other people hanging out with them from South Carolina. We didn't really do anything exciting except for we kinda sat in the lobby while Anna copied all of the music off of one of the other girl's flashdrive. Haha. Oh, and they all got up and started dancing to this song called Lucky Star. So I was kinda like ermmmm. I feel out of place because I don't know this dance! But overall, I still had a good feeling about the whole thing & left like that.

Friday, I arrived in my Sora costume & found my Anti-Sora for our skit. She was with her friends so I was kinda like "Meh, I'd better go." and migrated again to the main lobby again in hopes to find someone I know. Instead, I found a Roxas and Naminè who I tagged along with to the Kingdom Hearts photoshoot. We did pictures by like "Evil characters, good characters" etc and then just all together. Eventually our photoshoot turned into playing red rover XD. So we played that and some kids fingernail like scratched my arm kinda deepish so it burned so I quit for a little while. Another Roxas that was there ended up losing one of her rings so we had to stop & search for that, anyway a little after I quit. I was the one that found the ring too =D. It just proves that Roxas really is my nobody haha. So uh, after that, me and Kairi wandered around the Dealers Room and Artist Alley. I got a kitty ears hat, a chibi Sora plushie, a Sora badge & Sora sticker XD. Eventually we wandered back out to the lobby where I was taken away by Organization members who lead me outside and then began to throw numerous plushies at me XD. And we had an epic battle that'll hopefully be on youtube sometime soon. After that we just kinda sat on the grass and talked with Demyx about she was rated E for everyone haha. I got free pizza sometime around in there, don't exactly remember when. I eventually met up with Anti-Sora again and we challenged each other DDR XD and went to go play that. But since I haven't played it in forever, I failed x-x; Then we went to the animazement forum meetup and didn't really do much there except for give Kairi money to buy her terror squad t-shirt x-x; haha. But I met Lucas, who I'd been talking to on the forum and he was suppose to be our techie for the skit. Kairi left kinda early cuz she was tired, so I hung out with the Roxas that had lost her ring earlier and we had a conversation about why my shorts had gotten short in the 2nd game and what had happened in that pod while I was sleeping. That conversation was pretty hilarious although I don't really remember much. We met up with Anti-Sora again and went to the rave. I was still kinda in shy mode so I didn't dance, and just left. Anti-Sora turned out to leave too anyway haha I found her in the lobby while I randomly wandered around to find someone I knew again. So I just chilled with her until 12.

Saturday I had to get there at 9 for the Cosplay signups (or so I thought it was. It was just a general info meeting about it...). As soon as I stepped out of the car there was like...20 fangirl screams of SORA!!! haha. It was really different. I was kinda like whoa! So after being delayed by hugs and picture taking, I made it into the room where I needed to be and had to stand in the back since there were no more chairs. So I listened to that stuff then migrated out to the main lobby again before locating Kairi. We found our Anti-Sora be we lost her in the dealers room haha. She lost her cell phone so we were kinda in and out of contact with her all day. Eventually we met up with our Roxas from the previous day along with the Axel we found out was the one that was gonna be in our skit XD. So we hung out with them, went up stairs to eat some sea-salt soup (melted ice cream) before we all kinda got sick of it and poured it down the ice maker (lol Roxas). This is when we found out we were still actually doing our skit even though our Demyx was injured. I previously told Anti-Sora we weren't gonna do it because it would just be too much hassle to find a new person. But we easily modified to lines for Saix and then began searching for Anti-Sora again, who had lost her cellphone. We eventually found her playing DDR lol. Then we had to rapidly paint her face and practice our lines before moving downstairs and getting in line to try and enter the contest. Sadly, we were like one behind the last group to get in. So then we had to migrate outside and get in line for the viewing of the contest. There of course weren't enough seats for us all in the auditorium, so we had to watch the simulcast in the tent. Even in the tent, we were sitting in the 2nd to last row. And we weren't even halfway done the line to get in. So I don't know where all the other people went. Some people stood in the back, but it wasn't a lot. So we watched those on a big TV screen and they were all pretty good. After that, we went to Artist Alley to watch the katamari ball but that didn't turn out to be very exciting so we left that. Then Kairi left and I hung out with my main Roxas (different from the one of the previous night) and Axel, and I went to go dance with them at the rave along with Marluxia. But at midnight, like Cinderella as Marluxia said, I had to leave XD.

Sunday, I was suppose to get up at 7. ...But my alarm didn't go off. So I woke up at 7: 48. So I had to rush through a shower, quickly spike my hair and throw on my clothes & have Dad drive me there to attempt to get there by 8: 30. I got there at 8: 45 but the door for the room the Org XIII panel was going to be in wasn't open yet, so I was still on time XD. Half the people in the panel didn't make it there at all, actually O-o;. So I did pretty good. Even with only half the people, it was still really good. They kept blaming everything on me but what can I say. I guess I did kinda ruin their plans... and lives... lol. But it's not my fault for Xaldin's fear of Mickey. That's his own issue. So after the panel we took a bunch of pictures for people as well as for a photoshoot involving free mountain dew. After that, I went to a table near Artist Alley to talk to Saix and her friend until Kairi arrived. Then we found our Roxas and Axel again. Axel and Kairi went to a FMA panel while me and Roxas scavanged the Dealers Room for the last time. Roxas eventually got a "I can't dance without arrows" shirt XD. Then we went to the Game Room to vs each other in DDR & play Rock Band. We never got to play Rock Band together because of the weirdness of the line but we did get to play it seperately. After Axel and Kairi met us up and watched us play some of Rock Band we headed back into the lobby where we met up with Kairi's brother. He took Kairi, me, another Axel & her boyfriend out to Bojangles. There were no noncongoers there, so we didn't really creep anyone out. Which was kinda dissapointing but yeah haha. But there were sporks there, so I brought two back for my other Axel and Roxas. Making our way back to the convention from a parking lot across the street, I was tackled to the ground by L and Matt which made my day XD. Then I took picture with them before going back inside and going to the closing ceremony. Taking a few last pictures out in the hallway, we all said bye and slowly left one by one until I was the only one left. So I called Holt and talked to her for a few minutes before my Dad got there. Then, when I was at Dad's house packing my suitcase to go home, it really hit me that everything was over. I got contact info from most of the people I met, but it was still really sad to think about. I almost felt like crying but I didn't really have time haha. So I changed into normal clothes (but kept my hair spiked) before getting into the car and meeting my mom at Target. Some middleschoolers walking from the neighborhood to Target laughed at me while I was waiting in the car but whatever haha they just don't understand.

So much happened this weekend that I know there's gaps I left out. I can't even begin to describe how amazing it was. All the friends I made there will literally forever be in my heart, not to make a reference to Kingdom Hearts. Animazement is truely the one place on Earth where I feel completely at ease and like I belong. I know it wouldn't be as special if it were any longer, but I seriously wish I could feel that good about my life every single day. And that, is saying something.

I cannot wait until next year and I sincerely hope that I get to see my Axel and Roxas this summer. They live in Wake Forest, so that shouldn't be that hard of a task, but still. Roxas said she goes to Triangle Town Center, so once she gets ungrounded we can hang out sometime. So yays~

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 03:35:34 GMT

damnitdamnitdamnitdamnit. way to be a stereotypical boy.

...

Glad you listened to me *sigh*

Voice Post

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:46:52 GMT

Hey!

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 23:59:53 GMT

I haven't posted a somewhat happy post on here in forever, so I figured it was time.

Umm, nothing much is really going on lately. My mom has to drive me back and forth from everywhere [generally just school because I'm trying to not make her have to do anything else for me] since my car is in the shop and will be for another week. Then again I guess I'm glad I'm not driving cuz it has been FREEZING cold outside. It's even snowed twice in one week. In North Carolina, that like NEVER happens XD.

I haven't seen Twilight yet, so I have no comment as of yet. Haha. But I've heard it was either amazing or it sucked, so I really don't know what to expect.

Oh so on Wednesday, I dug through my closet that had a moutain of stuffed animals so I could put some in bags to get rid of and give to toys for tots or something. I found so much stuff that I haven't seen in years!<3 It was great. One thing I found, though, made me cry. I found this letter my Dad wrote me when he lived in Michigan after I was there for that summer or whatever. It didn't really say much but it made me cry thinking about how we use to be like best friends really and like I dunno. It was just sad. But the rest of that closet was very happy memories. Very happy. I found a lot of my Pokemon and Lion King things. And this Stitch stuffed animal I was looking for when I was about to go to Animazement I think that's really cute, I found it in there after not knowing where the heck it went for the longest time.

I'm so excited for Christmas even though I have like six things on my list that I want. One thing I'm really excited for is during winter break I'm going to start [and hopefully finish] my cosplay. Tammi mentioned something about making Sora's school uniform shorts from scratch since I won't be able to find a tie that really matches so I might be doing that as well but dunno yet. I wanna make a Mr. Mew too, to go with my Neku cosplay. Even though I won't have a Shiki unless I meet a new person this year and hang out with them a lot.

I was Ash Ketchum on Halloween at school. XD. Just to say, since I don't think I mentioned it on here. Holt and Hillary took pictures of me but I don't think either of them kept them which is kinda sad cuz I wish I had a picture to show people. Basically I was just wearing Sora's tanktop shirt thing, jeans, and Sora's sidebag things and carrying around Ash's hat, Pikachu, and a pokeball with action figures of Charmander, Pikachu and Squirtle. So that was fun. Even though I was like the only person that dressed up besides Bridget O. I love cosplaying at school! Normally I hate when people stare at me but for some reason it's just fun in cosplay XD.

Oh and the show was pretty dysfunctional. It turned out pretty good I guess but manohman what it took to get there. Depending on if I get crewhead this show or not as well as what show we're doing next fall, I'm planning on trying out for an ACTING part. Hahah. This show actually wouldn't have been bad to try out for but I missed the workshops because of my car accident. Oh and also I couldn't try out for the musical next year [unless I change my mind about it] because I'm trying to graduate early. In January 2010. Only reason that kinda sucks is now I've found quite a few electives I'm interested in taking so I don't realy have room to fit them all anymore. One thing that also depends on that is if the college I chose to go to likes that or not. So if they don't like that and I really want to go there, I obviously have to stay for second semester. To be honest, besides missing the Musical, I couldn't care less about missing prom and the big graduation. I hate crowds and I honestly don't like a lot of the people in my year to begin with. I've kinda secluded myself within the theatre world or something lol. I don't know, but I don't like the other kids much anymore.

Speaking of theatre, I really want to go to Verona, Italy now! I was doing research for my Tech project and it's absolutely beautiful. I wish I could go there. I'm doing Romeo and Juliet for my design project if that wasn't obvious from Verona, Italy. Haha. I looooove Romeo and Juliet so much. Gah, just remembered my color renderings are due on Thursday lol. I only have the Capulet Orchard [the balcony] and Verona Street done out of like six or seven more.

That's about all I got for now, I guess. Not much going on for me right now. Soo I'll post later! When something eventful happens.

Worst luck everrrr.

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:55:52 GMT

Yeah I know I only post when things are like really bad in my life lol. I'm in a really good mood right now, though. But some bad things have happened.

Okay sooo last week I was sick and missed two days of school. So when I went back on Monday I was like ughh crapload of make up work. But like it didn't really seem that bad at the end of the day because I had a good day, and I had the next day off to make it all up.

So yesterday was the day I had off, and my Dad scheduled me a 9: 30 AM dentist appointment. I mean I wasn't really looking forward to going, but it was whatever. I had trouble getting up out of my warm, comfortable bed too so I left kinda late. Like right at 9 o'clock. So I'm driving to Raleigh from my Mom's house and this red light turns yellow. Knowing it's a light that takes pictures if you're caught by the red light, I stop. I don't exactly slam on the brakes, but I don't exactly coast to a stop either. Pause for a couple seconds.

SLAM.

Yeah, I got rear-ended. So I burst into tears and wait for the red light to turn green so I can drive off to the side of the road across the intersection. When I get out of the car, the lady is like AHH I'M SO SORRY. ARE YOU OKAY, SWEETIE? and like hugged me and everything. So we wait for the police to get there and I call my Mom to tell her what happened and she starts on her way there, and I call my Dad to tell him I can't make it to the dentist appointment. And this is all ironic because on the day I first got my braces I was also in a car accident with my mom where we were rear-ended at a red light.

So the police officer gets there and I give him my license and etc. The lady's car is so bad that she had to get it towed away and I drove mine home. After that, I went with my Mom to the ER where they tested my reflexes and crap like that. So I spent a good 2 and half hours in there.

The good part of the day was after we got out of the ER, we went shopping. Although the bad part about going shopping was I was still branded with my ER wristband which couldn't be ripped off, it needed to be cut off. But I got a couple new shirts, new pair of jeans and a new pair of boots. Then I got home and watched a movie with my mom to try and take my mind off the whole day. After that I got started on my pile of makeup work. I got most of it done, but since I was already in a bad mood I got really frustrated when I couldn't figure out some math problems and it ended up being 9 o'clock before I was like 3/4ths of the way done. So I was just like forget it and I watched TV on the couch, closing my eyes every once in a while. Mom made me get up and go to bed around 10 and I kept texting Kurt till like 10: 30, when I eventually went to sleep.

Also my Grandpa is going in for heart sugery tomorrow. Woo...

And Taylor has some stuff going on, so I'm talking to her about that. So I'll post other stuff later. Byee.

iuohupml,;lmpk

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:54:14 GMT

Again, I thought everything was getting better.
Again, I was wrong.

So I had rehearsal today, right? Nothing special, I already had another random one on Tuesday. But since Evan doesn't know how to make a mic plot, it's not done. So rehearsals are kinda awkward and random.

But let me say this now:

I DO NOT BLAME EVAN OR TAYLOR IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. I love them both. And I love them even more for trying so hard to make this work.

So since the coordination with which actors had which number mic was messed up, Evan's running of the board wasn't exactly smooth. But again, he wouldn't have been stressing out and trying to fix things so much if he didn't have to worry about my side of the job.

But since the board and mics weren't running very smoothly, our two teachers completely chewed him out. So I felt bad about that but everything seemed okay after a little while. Minus the fact that the actors don't know their lines, the set's not done being built and it's not painted since it's not finished being built. Then rehearsal ended, I stayed upstairs in the booth to help Evan lock everything up and I went down with him to notes with our tech director incase I needed to pay attention to anything in specific with mics. Caitlin went with me also, to stand up for Evan incase we needed to.

But our tech director told us to step away for a minute so we couldn't really do anything about it. And I expect she chewed him out more, but I never really got the chance to talk to Evan before I had to leave so that I didn't end up crying infront of everyone. So I also had plans to hang out with 2 of my friends that I hardly see tomorrow by going to the state fair with them, but then it turns out there's a rehearsal tomorrow that I have to go to. FUN TIMES. So me and Caitlin got pissed off because of that.

Oh. PS. Did I mention bodymic crew has 4 people? ...Yeah.

So this is the first time I've ever seriously been even THINKING about quitting the show. But I love the people in this show too much to let them down like that. Especially after today, it would feel like I was completely ditching Evan and I can't do that to him. But now I'm kinda seeing why Holt didn't want to do this. This show is just so dysfunctional. I heard that yesterday rehearsal went so badly that our director literally stormed out of the auditorium.

At this point, it's not even about wanting my job back. I just want everything to go well and I don't want Evan and Taylor to feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. They were never trained to do my job, and they can't be blamed for that. I don't know much about the board myself, so I would definately never ever take the job if it was a necessity that I had to know the board. But even so, Evan and Taylor didn't sign up for this. April was crewhead first and they were the next best trained people on the board, so they were chosen and stuck with all of this and it's not fair.

It's not fair that all of this comes back to how shy and timid I was last year and basically the whole theatre department agrees with me on this.

Most of all, I can't believe that one quarter hasn't even passed in this school year. Wtf. This has been the longest 9 weeks of my life.

Oh, and another thing that just made my mood ohsomuch better. I ranted to Kurt cuz, you know, I figured that he would maybe act like normal and perhaps make a joke out of it and make me laugh? But no, he was just like "Oh wow. You cried? Most girls I know wouldn't cry over that, they would just be like OMG I can't believe this!!" Well good for the girls you know. You've only known me for like 5 years now; you should know I cry pretty easily. Especially when it comes to things when it's my friends that are the ones being hurt. I have a really strong urge to be a stereotypical girl and bitch him out but I don't want to start a fight because I've never really fought with anyone and for the first person to fight with to be Kurt would just be weird. Then again, it probably will be him. When I argue with him, even though we always do it in a joking way, I can feel the tension there sometimes. The times where I feel like I should say something but I just shrug it off and play it cool. I'm probably gonna snap one of these days.

Blaaah. Fail. I have to survive the next week. Good luck to me...

Updated Icon Meme [no life D=]

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:31:42 GMT

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Update on life

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:26:40 GMT

So, I feel better. A LOT better.

...But still not good.

Lately I've been taking the approach that if I find something to look forward to each day, then the day usually turns out good. My prime example is Sound Crew meetings because they're always fun. And it's been working out, for the most part. But I'm still dreading school. I went to some like company dinner/party thing with my Mom and she brought up how I use to 'love' going to school and now I hate it. I've never loved going to school; I just accepted it as something that had to be done. Lately I treat it as if it were torture.

But like, after I figured out that plan I had a pretty good week last week. And like yesterday was pretty good for a Monday, I thought. Mostly because I had Sound Crew. I thought today was...alright. I felt totally horrible during English. My brain was seriously not functioning. We were doing a prewriting for our essay tomorrow and like...I was completely braindead. I didn't think much of that, though. But I just was like "Ugh why is it still Tuesday" to Kurt and he was like "Wow school must be really bad for you this year. for me it's really easy mostly and I really don't remember you being like this last year" so basically it just hit me that my day pretty much sucked.

It's not even that bad. Both of the Brandons are moved somewhat away from me and I mean they don't really talk to me even though they are still somewhat close to me, so that's good. And now I sit infront of Caitlin and diagonal from Wojo who's really funny so that class is pretty much enjoyable now. English is still pretty much easy except for we're starting doing an in class essay tomorrow comparing The Great Gatsby and Death of a Salesman. Spanish is even somewhat easy. Tech is tech. I have high grades in all of these classes; 90.3 (B) for Algebra II, 97 for English (A), 90.1 (B) for Spanish and 100 (A) for tech so... I should have no problems with school, right?

I still do work like I'm suppose to during class and I always do homework as well but I just...I don't even know.

I'm trying to wonder if it's my social situation. But I'm like being more outgoing then EVER this year. I'm basically acting like a crew head for body mics even though I'm not; like I had the responsibility of training the noobs and all that. I sounded very confident [at least to myself] and everyone was intently paying attention 98% of the time, so I feel like I did well. And I love Evan and Taylor as crew heads; they're both really sweet. And I'm really excited for the show.

I think I feel like something is just really missing in my life. And I can't figure out what it is.

Voice Post

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 22:03:23 GMT

Fanfic meme!

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:16:01 GMT

Post the first line from your 25 most recent fanfics and try to find a pattern.

1) Fractured Love; Kingdom Hearts, Sora/Kairi AU
It had been two years now since Ryou’s death and everything had been okay except for the few occasional nightmares.

2) Whatever it Takes; TWEWY; Neku/Shiki post!game.
I thought that life after the Game would be better.

3) Neku's Reflections; TWEWY; slight Neku/Shiki
Until recently, nothing mattered.

4) I Was Meant to Love You; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi post!KH2 fluff
"Couldn’t sleep either?" I asked in a loud whisper as I approached the boy in the hammock, who currently seemed to be heavily concentrated on the sky.

5) My Last Breath; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
I only had one night.

6) Simple and Clean; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
It wasn’t suppose to be like this.

7) So Clichè; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi, valentines day
Everyone seemed to be paired off come Valentine’s day; Kairi had noticed this every year and it was almost enough to make her sick to her stomach

8) You and Me and One Spotlight; Kingdom Hearts; Roxas/Olette, theatre!centric
Closing night.

9) Hot Chocolate; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi, Christmas fic
Sipping her hot chocolate with a small smile to her best friends, Kairi couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

10) Waltz of the Damned; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi, medieval
"We’ll be the best friends forever, won’t we, Sora?" A little girl in a light pink dress that was slightly torn and grass stained poked at the brunette laying on the ground beside her.

11) All At Once; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
Seated next to Kairi and dangling my legs off the edge of the dock, it was almost as if everything was the same as before; almost.

12) Shattered Dreams; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi AU
By just looking at my life you'd say, 'Oh she's got a perfect life! Perfect boyfriend, perfect grades, everything's perfect for her!'…But it's not.

13) Broken Chains; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi, random unfinished fanfic collection
"I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately…Like, is any of this for real?…Or not?" I asked myself in my head and closed my eyes.

14) The True Meaning of Christmas; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
After viewing Jack and Sally’s revelation of a real present, Sora couldn’t help but feel embarrassed.

15) Valentine's Day; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
"Perfect." Sora complemented himself as he pocketed a paopu fruit.

16) Shadow of the Day; Kingdom Hearts; onesided Sora/Kairi...sort of.
Kairi let out an inaudible sigh; despising the silence between them.

17) No Canary in a Cage for Me; Kingdom Hearts; onesided Sora/Naminè
Naminè stared at the boy through the glass that encased him; her eyes fixated on the soft heaves of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled.

18) Stars of Memory; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi poetry
A memory, a lone star in the night sky.

19) Home is Where the Heart is; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
Everything was so different.

20) Falling into Memories of You; Kingdom Hearts; onesided Sora/Kairi
Memories lined every crease in the walls of Kairi’s home and painfully etched their way back into her heart no matter how hard she tried to push them away every single time she walked into a room.

21) Forever Hold Your Peace in Pieces; Kingdom Hearts; Roxas/Olette
Roxas held in a glare as he smiled upon his friends; the thought that he should be the one at the altar with Olette and Hayner should be the one stuck as best man refusing to leave his mind

22) Dearly Beloved; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
"Sora?"

23) Photo; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi
Everyday since I had returned home, I had been showered with attention from everyone on the island.

24) Easier to Run; Kingdom Hearts; Sora!centric
I looked down at my friends bodies; the aftermath of the battle that had been raging on for days. I studied them, their bodies patched with wounds and bruises, glazed over in dried blood.

25) Who's that Girl?; Kingdom Hearts; Sora/Kairi, anti-Naminè
The crimson haired girl watched from the corner in hate as the two figures passionately kissed.

Patterns!
● I hardly ever start with dialogue.
● A lot of the first lines are pretty angsty XD
● I write a crap load of Sokai ._.
● I NAME ALMOST EVERYTHING AFTER SONGSSSS why so uncreaaaaative lol.<--me too, Zanisha x_x; hahah. If we ever get published our editors are going to be like I HATE YOU when it comes time to name something.

Disney meme!

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:28:46 GMT

the disney meme

Icon meme [cheating way XD]

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:21:24 GMT

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Mon, 26 May 2008 04:31:21 GMT

How about a brief introduction for yourself?
I'm Brooke, pennames Emerald31 annnnnd I wrote lots of Sokai fanfiction.

Name one thing you’d LOVE to write, but have been too afraid or shy to do.
DEATH NOTE FANFICTION... because the plot of the series is so intimidating D=

Do you have trouble taking criticism? Or worse yet, do you have the dreaded bloated ego?
I actually really appreciate criticism though I don't always change my writing to go with what they say. I often see where their coming from and fix it if it's fixable or just keep it if I personally think it should be kept the way it is.

When you write, is there anything that helps? Music? Quiet room?
Not really. Sometimes I just feel really in the mood to write. And when that happens, if I'm listening to music, I generally tend to kinda forget it's playing.

What inspires you?
Everything.

How would you sum up your fanfiction experiences and yourself as a writer?
Haha. Wow. Fanfiction has... inspired me as well as taught me things in life that probably should have been kept unlearned for a few more years. But that's what I get for being a curious elementary school kid on the internet. But yeah, I've always liked reading a lot. And when I started reading Cardcaptors fanfiction I was kinda like "Wow, that's really cool! I think I'll try that too."

And what got you into fanfiction to begin with?
Like I said up there, I use to read and 'write' (I don't even want to try and remember how horrible my writing would have been in elementary school...) Cardcaptors fanfiction back in 5th grade. Then I sorta attempted to write again for Rurouni Kenshin but that didn't really last long either. Now, Kingdom Hearts. Reading fanfiction for this fandom is really something else. It's so easy to slip into the mindset of ANY character in this fandom. Every character has something you can relate to and it just makes everything so much more personal. Not to mention the fact that the majority of us have grown up watching the classic Disney movies in this game. And although this is biased by a lot, I think that KH fans are some of the friendliest people you will ever meet. Just go to an anime convention; you'll see.

I see. So what kind of fanfiction do you like to write?
fanfiction that stays true to the series, even if you're writing AU. Just because you're write an AU story does NOT mean that you can take a character and completely turn their personality around. As for Yaoi, Yuri, whatever; I don't really care as long as there is logical proof behind it. Like L and Light... I can especially see some hints of that in Death Note. Kind of; but you can play off of that. Though I hate to say it, there are hints of Sora and Riku in Kingdom Hearts. But I've yet to find someone who writes a good SoraxRiku fic while managing to keep them both in character... so, yeah. I use to just hate that pairing in general until I got into cosplay. When you're cosplaying Sora, it's kinda hard NOT to go along with all the jokes XD.

Do you find writing easy? Hard? What are the aspects of writing you struggle most with?
I don't really find it HARD but Iunno. I just read it and know that there's more to be done with it although I'm not exactly sure what. I know I'm not too good with detail; I'm more of a dialouge person.

Write a few sentences or so of your favorite pairing or character.
Blinking his eyes open and giving a shake of his head, Sora focused his attention back to the front of the room as the teacher continued his lesson in a monotoned voice. 'Not this class, still...' The brunette rested his cheek on his fist with a sigh, 'I can't take another forty five minutes of this.'

Cars, street signs, skyscrapers, subways, people; Shibuya was lined with all of them. To a person visiting for the first time, everything in this city might seem interesting and exciting, but Neku knew better than that. Growing up on these graffiti tatooed streets where fashion thrived and money bought happiness, he knew the real hell that it really was. All the deceit and betrayl that went on in this town... He was done with acting like everything was okay when it was clearly not.

Are there any fanfiction clichés or trends you're sick of or just can't stand?
I can't stand when people put themselves in the game, anime, book, whatever just to get with their favorite character. Get a life! I put myself in a fanfic when I was a noob, but I didn't make myself date my favorite character. I even knew back then that that was stupid.

Are you guilty of any fanfiction clichés you hate? Or any other ones?
Like I said above. Yeah... I'm kinda guilty of just about every clichè possible... but I can pull them off! That's the good part. I've written the highschool fic, valentines day fic, kiddie proposal, misteltoe scene... I'm sure the list goes on.

What was the first fandom you wrote for, and do you still like/participate in it?
Cardcaptors and no lol

Name your OTPs or most frequently written pairings/characters and explain what it is about them that you love to write.
Sora and Kairi because... Simple and Clean. There's nothing more to say about it, really =] it's the romance that everyone dreams of. and I feel like I got a taste of it somewhat and I can't wait to feel like that again about someone.

Neku and Shiki because they are the pure meaning of opposites attract.

Roxas and Olette because they're just really cute. Plus there's little subtle smiles to each other in Kingdom Hearts 2. XD

What would you call your writing style?
I have no idea. I call it Brooke. haha. No, seriously. It's just me *shrug*

Do you read other people’s fanfics? If so, what do you find yourself reading the most?
Mhmmm<3. KH because that's about the only thing I get alerts for... I have an alert on the 1 chaptered TWEWY fanfic on ff.net too..

Tag some friends
errrrr haha.

I need a life.

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sat, 17 May 2008 17:45:02 GMT

All I ever do is sit at home on the computer D=. That'll change once I get my license (assuming I have enough money to afford gas to leave most days...) but still it's so depressing on the weekends. Especially when I know my friends are all out doing something while I'm stuck here. But I mean, then again, the only person I hang out with really is Holt so O_o;

Sometimes I like being alone.

It's just, when I'm in a really good mood and DON'T feel like being alone I am alone. And it gets to me so much. I do surveys to try and get rid of boredom then I end up sounding all pissy and stereotypical 'emo' in all the answers I put in those x_x;. Writing usually makes me feel better but I have like world's worst writer's block right now. Of course.

At least Animazement is this upcoming week, as well as Capital Awards. But I kinda hope we don't win so me and April don't have to do the acceptance speech...lol. But that's just my shyness speaking for me. April's supposed to do most of the talking (if not all...) anyways. I really shouldn't feel anxious about talking because I mean, it's just a whole theatre full of theatre kids & their parents but whatever. Anyways, I worry about that when I'm doing a cosplay skit for Animazement and I'm not worried at all. But I guess that's because that wacky tacky day when I spiked my hair, I was actually more self confident than any other normal school day. That makes absolutely no sense because I looked more retarded that day then ever but I dunno XD. Maybe it's just the whole Sora-effect taking over. I'm also volunteering for a "So You Want to be a Member of Organization XIII" thing so I have to stand up infront of everybody for that too. But that's a room full of KH obsessed people like me~ so that's nothing.

Oh and funny. TWEWY like shows how it's not good to close off your world to others. What do I do? I buy Noise-cancelling headphones like a week after I finish that game. I've yet to wear them in public because they're too big to be carrying around with all the stuff I need for school but lol.

I just need summer badly. I'll probably still complaining about being lonely & etc, but at least I don't have schoolwork added to all of that. That's a plus, right?

Sort of. But summer, even if I don't get my driver's license right away, I can walk to the gazebo in the neighborhood across the street & write. Favorite<3. ...That is assuming they're done with all the construction now. I got a picture of it for my Fractured Love photobucket thing but it was taped off so I couldn't go sit in it and stuff. Ohwells.

And there's always the choice to just layout and ~~increasemychancesofgettingskincancer~~ ...I mean tan. Which I need too badly because I'm world's palest person. But meh.

I guess I've complained enough for one day. Maybe. Oh wait! No. I have to comment on my last post or at least relate back to it, yeah.

I feel a lot better now. The first day of going back to school felt like hell. My eyes felt like I hadn't slept in months and I was just in a crappy mood all day until I got to tech and everyone was like "I THOUGHT YOU DIED. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEEEEN???" lol I love my tech class. The people in there are amazing. Although it's going to suck on Senior picnic day when only me, Bridget, and Evan are going to be there since we're the only 3 that aren't seniors. Ohwait, that's this friday...sdjfsdf. lol. I have no idea what we're doing in class, then... maybe Wrayno will just let us have relaxation (I hope!).

Back to last post and off tech; my Mom's a lot better. It was that stupid medicine that was making her extra emotional just like I guessed. Scott still needs to leave. He needs to get his car FINISHED and LEAVE. All he ever does is make sarcastic comments, yell and agitate Mom. The whole me not having a love life is still here and will be for who know's how long haha. But I know there's more to life and it's kinda whatever. It's just in the back of my mind. The whole friends thing is still true also, but I know that a lot of people care about me even if we don't hang out. Especially in tech. Those people will always be in my life and I love them so much. Highschool is so miserable in general just to balance out how awesome they are. Umumumumum. What else did I say in that last post? Nothing else really.

Okay, well I guess I'm done. Woo! Bye.

Neku's Reflections

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Sun, 11 May 2008 20:11:57 GMT

Disclaimer: The World Ends With You doesn't belong to me but if you steal this and claim to have wrote it, I will personally hunt you down & give you a slow painful death.

Until recently, nothing mattered. Not the world…Not the city…

And definitely not the people in it. All I had was me.

Sometimes I wondered if that even mattered. The music playing through my headphones was my life; my conscious, my thoughts. After a while, I didn’t really remember how to respond whenever someone tried to talk to me. I had words, but they were nothing compared to the lyrics that constantly flowed through my head. Why waste my breath?

Eventually no one talked to me at all. Of course that didn’t bother me. Screw them. I didn’t need them.

Or so I thought.

At first glance, Shiki was the epitome of the reason why I had drawn back from society. Self-absorbed, superficial, and overly perky; almost everything about her pissed me off. I even almost killed her when I was given the opportunity. I was tricked into it by a reaper, but I almost did it and that‘s all that mattered. I didn’t really like Shiki…but I didn’t hate her. If I had managed to erase her, I probably would have felt guilty enough to just let the noise kill me. And thus, I began to open up again.

Pretty soon we met up with some other players, Rhyme and Beat. Rhyme was alright but Beat seemed like a complete idiot. Rhyme corrected him every other sentence and just the way he talked was idiotic. He sounded like a wannabe gansta and it really wasn’t working for him. What really pissed me off again about Shiki was after we had known these two for a total of five minutes, she defended them as if we had been friends with them since birth. Not even just Rhyme and Beat; I had defended quite a few strangers from erasure just because Shiki made it feel necessary. It eventually became a second nature for me, although I didn’t really let that show.

And then Rhyme got erased.

I hardly knew the girl, but she still had somehow managed to make this impact. A part of me was missing after she got erased and I could feel it. Shiki was close to tears and the fact that I wouldn’t show my emotions didn’t help her mood at all. Neither did the fact that Beat turned into a complete asshole. He inexplicably joined the Reapers, against us, even though they were the ones that erased Rhyme in the first place. His hypocrisy temporarily reverted me back to the loner personality I had started the game with.

Then Shiki started to become like me. What? This girl that I had known to always have a bubbly personality was now silent and unresponsive? It really shook me up. I actually talked more in an effort to get the old version of her back. I figured it had to do with Rhyme and Beat. Beat had taunted and battled with us a few times with his newly acquired powers. Damn him. Even if it was all for a better purpose, he didn’t need to do this to us; to Shiki. Not after losing Rhyme. But turns out that wasn’t what was really bothering Shiki, although it may have added to it.

To enter the game and have a second chance to get your life back, you have to give up an entry fee; what’s most precious to you. Shiki gave up her appearance and turned into a mirror image of her best friend of the real world, Eri. At first she thought it was more of a gift then a sacrifice, but she hadn’t realized that it’d really been slowly eating away at her. Her self-esteem was so low that she hated everything that she was and what she had become. I was in the middle of confessing that I liked her the way she was when we were interrupted by reapers.

Then the game was over. I was free. I was so relieved and happy to go back and make my life right. Now, I actually had somewhat of a friend and she meant everything to me. I had just beat death and I’d learned my mistake.

But I guess that wasn’t good enough for the composer; the ruler of the game. He decided that only one person would be sent back this round; he chose Shiki.

“I’ll wait for you every day by Hachiko. I’ll have Mr. Mew so you’ll recognize me.” She promised, I desperately reaching out for her hand at the last moment as she faded away.

Waking up in scramble crossing again, I had a flashback of my conversation with the guy that met us at the end of the game. To play the game again, I had to give up another entry fee. The thing most precious to me…

It was Shiki.

‘Damn it!’ I was so frustrated I could cry. I hated myself more than ever. Because of me, Shiki was still stuck there when she should have been home. My first entry fee, that I had now earned back, was all of my memories before I had died. When I first woke up in scramble crossing, I didn’t know anything. All I remembered was my name. Now that they were back, they didn’t even matter. The only memories I needed were that week I had spent with Shiki; the week that I had actually lived even though I was technically dead.

This is where Joshua stepped into my life. Also like Shiki, I didn’t want him as my partner; I was forced into the pact when I was being attacked by noise. Unlike Shiki, I completely despised this guy. Hearing his voice almost made me shudder. His high pitched annoying, bitchy, and arrogant voice never stopped. Shiki understood when silence was needed. Josh felt the need to fill every gap of silence with an unwanted, smart-aleck comment. Everything I said, he turned into something else and used it to his own advantage. It really pissed the hell out of me. Not to mention that after scanning him a few times, I found out he was the one that killed me. Of course, getting the last piece of memory, I discovered that it was really the Grim Heaper that had shot me. Josh had been trying to protect me. And again, Josh sacrificed himself so we could win the game. Another ‘friend’ gained and lost from this game.

But of course Meg had another twist for me. Since Josh was alive, that was the reason why I could scan him, my last game had not been valid. I had to do another redo, give up another entry fee, keep Shiki waiting even longer. It was beginning to seem hopeless.

Going to Hachiko in hopes of finding another player to make a pact with, seeing as I had luck there the past two times, I quickly realized there was no one. I was the only one in this game. It was me, the reapers, and the noise. Without a partner, the noise were easily going to take me out. The game was rigged. But after having to play it two other times, what else should I have been expecting?

Beat saved my ass. Though it was against the rules, he worked with me to erase all the noise. For this, the reapers took away his powers and as well as noise on his shoulder that I learned was Rhyme. He also was given a six day time period of life. After the sixth day, he’d be erased. So we spent the last days trailing down the new game master until we finally found her hiding out in the Shibuya river, along with the Grim Heaper. Beating the girl, we moved on to find the composer only to find that he had been out for a while and Meg had taken his place. So we beat Meg…and the composer revealed himself

Joshua.

Freakin’ Joshua.

I thought I actually considered him a friend! I thought he somewhat understood me! Only to learn that he’d been doing all of this to me to test this stupid experiment of Meg’s. And my memory of Joshua killing me? There was more to it. He was the one that killed me, the son of a bitch. He wasn’t even sure I could do it, he just had a hunch so he put me through hell and back just because.

…But without him, I wouldn’t have met Shiki, Beat, or Rhyme. And I owe him that. I owe him for putting my life back on track. I owe him for everything that I’ve become.

And I hated it. But I lived with it.

Same streets…Same crowds too. Yeah, Shibuya hasn’t changed a bit. But still, I don’t think I can forgive you yet. You don’t see it, but…those few weeks were very hard for me. Learning to trust people; having that trust broken. Finding out the town I paint is small, and stifling, and empty…wasn’t any of those things.

“Let me in! Tell me what you’re thinking!”

“Only by letting strangers in can we find new ways to be ourselves.”

“I’m scared! Scared of getting a second chance…”

“Listen up, Phones. Cuz I ain’t askin’ twice. Please, help me. You gotta help me save her!”

“Neku, that’s the first time you used my name.”
“But Neku, I thought you couldn’t afford to lose. Give up on yourself, and you give up on the world.”

“You ain’t my partner anymore, man; you’re…my friend.”

“Once you see the real me…will we still be friends?”

I’m glad I met you guys. You made me…pick up on things, I probably would’ve just gone on ignoring.

Trust your partner…and I do.

I can’t forgive you, but I trust you. You took care of things, right? Otherwise, Shibuya would be gone and my world with it. Hey, did I mention I’ve got friends now? We’re meeting for the first time in a week. See you there?

“Yo!” A deep voice called out over the drone of the crowd.

“Over here!” A high pitched voice added.

Taking a slow look at my surroundings, I found the brother and sister with matching skull caps I had grown to know and …Er, like?

I quickly and carefully made my way through the crowd, gently slapping my hand against Rhyme’s outstretched palm once I had reached them. Looking up at her older brother, my eyes widened as it almost looked like he was about to cry.What

“C’mere, Phones!” He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, putting me into a headlock as he roughly dug his fist into my head.

“Hey, cut it out!” I commanded, but with a light laugh rather than a yell. Escaping his grasp, I smiled as I stated, “Nice to see you, too.” Then there was a light tap on my back. Seeing Rhyme and Beat’s faces light up, I knew exactly who it was.

Shiki.

I felt my heart rate increase and I mentally muttered, Stupid. Putting on the best smile I could manage, I slowly turned around to face my first ever friend.

She definitely looked different, but it wasn’t bad; and she was holding her pig…er, cat, just like she promised.

With a broad grin, she announced, “…We did it!” and held out her hand.

We all responded with our own individual shouts as we all high-fived her simultaneously.

“Yeah!”

“Hells yeah!”

“Yay!”

Beat grabbed us all into a wide hug, knocking my headphones off my head and around my neck, as he admitted, “I missed you guys, yo. Life in the RG jus’ ain’t as excitin’ anymore.”

Giggling, Shiki answered, “It may not be exciting… but it’s definitely not boring.”

“That’s true,” Rhyme gave a thoughtful look towards the city around us before adding, “especially if we keep meeting up like this. Maybe we could go get some lunch together.”

Returning his arms at his sides, Beat asked, “Ramen? Let‘s go!” And with that, he started walking off; Rhyme being pulled along side him.

Blinking, Rhyme stated, “I was talking about another day…but I guess today works too?”

Looking at the pair, Shiki let out another giggle before looking back at me. With a tilt of her head, she reached to my neck, “Oh, Neku. Your headphones.”

Reaching up and taking them off my neck, I held them in front of me and asked, “What? These?” I put my hand behind me and opened my fist, letting the headphones drop to the ground. “Forget them.”

First looking confused and surprised, Shiki gave a wide smile. Turning around, she quietly stated, “Hey, we’d better get going. Beat and Rhyme are already way ahead of us.”

“OK.” I answered, walking past her and towards Dogenzaka. Only making it a few steps farther, I quickly realized she wasn’t following me. She was still standing in the same spot. Raising an eyebrow, I called out, “Shiki…?”

Eyes widening and blush coming upon her face, she exclaimed, “Oh! Sorry, Neku!” She rushed to my side and we started walking again.

A few minutes of silence passing by, I nervously took her mind in mine, quickly stating, “In case you daze out again, so I don’t lose you in the crowd.”

“Oh.” She nodded, looking off to the side.

But I couldn’t help but notice how her hand grasped mine back.

I don’t get people… Never have, never will. That thought may still be true, but I’ve figured out that you don’t have to understand people to care about them. It’s actually what makes life exciting. Never know what’s gonna happen next, right? That kinda thing.

The world ends with you; if you close it to everyone else, it becomes tight and unbearable. But, if you take the chance and open it for someone else, there’s no end to your borders.

needed to get this out. badly. my eyes burn

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Tue, 06 May 2008 21:08:45 GMT

everything's falling apart

And it's not even just my own life, it's my Mom's too. The past two days I've stayed home from school because everytime I stand up I feel like I'm going to pass out and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. In turn, this worries my Mom to death and she already has enough things going on in her life. Today, instead of going into work, she went to the ER and now she's on meds for an anxiety attack along with something else that I don't know what it is. When I asked her what it was, she answered, "It doesn't matter; no one cares." and everytime someone calls her she ends up bursting into tears. She even went in her bedroom and sobbed hysterically for sometime while I just sat in the living room because I had no idea what to do.

I feel hopeless when my mom is like this. My mom's always been such a strong person and she's never let pressure get to her like this. When I see her world falling apart, it only makes my insecurities and fears of life worse. I feel like lifes never going to get better. Middle school, which is supposed to be the worst years of your life, turned out to be my best so I guess the rest of my life is going to be horrible.

The last time I cried was in February. Today, I'm probably shedding more tears then I ever have or will from heartbreak. I'm crying right now as I write this stupid thing.

I just feel really low about myself right now. My Mom said earlier that me and Chrissy are the only good things left in her life and it hurts so bad to know that things have gotten this bad. Scott really needs to leave. He's always so negative to her and I can only imagine what that does. I usually act happy-ish or at least positive around my mom. I can only imagine what she'd be like right now if she knew how much I really don't enjoy life at all anymore.

I see Holt a lot but she's weird around Drew and I dunno. I'm happy for her but...fdklsj. Taylor I don't see at all anymore. I read some of her editing on my story this morning and I realized how much I miss her. Zanisha I talk to about every other day and I love her so much. She always makes me laugh and she's such a good person. I know things aren't too good in her life either but maybe that's why I like her so much; we've been through a lot of similar things and have a lot of similar opinions. I just wish that we actually got to see each other sometime besides in 2 years. & Kurt gets me so confused. Some days we talk like the best friends we claim ourselves to be and then other days he gets mad at me for the stupidest things. ~~And it doesn't help that I feel like if I tell him about any of these problems I'm having, he'll give me a reply like "err...okay."~~ [Just kidding. Thanks for talking to me & making me laugh. I <3 you.] As for the rest of my friends, I don't even know why they call me their friends. I don't hang out with them at all and it's a rare occasion when I talk to them on IM, facebook, or myspace. We just see each other at school and go, "Oh, hey!!" I know they'll still stand up for me if I need it but I don't understand why. Not that I don't want them to. I feel like everything I use to have is slipping away.

I guess I'd be willing to move in with Dad and Tami if it somehow made my Mom's life better but I don't know how it would effect me and I remember while she was in PA that she told me it was a lot more standable when I was there. I feel like we both need each other but we're both falling apart on the inside and we can't help each other.

And also on a random tangent, I think it makes me think even less of myself that I don't have a boyfriend while I feel like almost every single one of my friends does. And yet when I have sort of a chance, I turn him away. But I mean I can't even remember the kid's name. I always call him Stephen on accident. Do I really want to take chances on a guy that I can't even remember his name? Obviously I'm not that interested. But that leaves me to question, when will there be a guy that actually likes me that I'm willing to let in? With my luck, I'm probably be stuck on Kurt for the rest of my life because I extremely miss having the feeling of knowing someone loves me as more than a friend. That someone cared for me so deeply even while I was the nerdiest kid ever and I didn't look that great and not to mention he felt that way when he didn't even really know me. And of course now that I feel tons better about myself and my looks, I have no one.

I'm such a social outcast too. I talk to like 2, 3 people in Biology sort of. A lot of people talk to me just so they can copy my homework and I don't even care. I don't talk to any one in Geometry (except for whoever I sit next to because we're partners for stuff & whatever. The girl I sit next to is just nice to me I guess). I hate the kids in there. They're the epitome of why I hate society. Spanish, I only talk because I have too really. That and everyone in there's too nice. They probably only talk to me because I'm so quiet and I don't have any of my 'friends' to talk to. Tech is really the only place I fit in and even in there I still feel different from everyone. I'm really quiet while everyone else is really loud and outgoing. They've opened me up a lot but I still feel seperate.

This is the worst day ever. I don't know how I'm going to live through school tomorrow. I'll probably have an emotional breakdown in one of my classes which I really don't want to happen. And I'm especially not ready to deal with all this make up work added to all this stress...

Voice Post

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:10:04 GMT

Voice Post

ps2girlemerald@hotmail.com — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 00:36:07 GMT